Why..

Tuesday, 13th of Febuary, 2018.

You're probably thinking, 'why what?'

but, this is all about WHY I stopped caring.

When I say I 'stopped caring' I don't mean about people, because over the years I cared more about people then I did myself, that is literally my job, but even outside of my job I cared, and perhaps that is WHY I stopped caring.

I always knew that I wanted to help people, but at the time I never knew how detrimental that could have been to my own mental health.

After a close friend of mine took his own life, I took it upon myself to help more people who were like him. I took the steps towards helping others without realising how important it was for me to help myself first.

I never accepted what was going on in my own mind because I was too preoccupied with the people I was assisting to be happier, I was passing out advice that I needed to be telling myself.

I stopped caring and I shut off, a part of me needed to get away from everything and everyone so I could focus on myself. School was too much, and whilst I don't condone leaving school half way through year twelve, it's what I felt I had to do to survive.

I isolated myself so I could work on helping myself, I had so much anxiety purging out of me that I allowed to build up that I was physically sick.

After the time I spent isolating myself, I came to understand that I did not need to be everyone else's hero, but it was time I became my own.

Whilst it's nice to be there for the people you care the most about, who ask for some advice or some help it's also much nicer to be there for yourself, to acknowledge your own troubles, to work through them, to write about them, to draw them, paint, cry, run, walk, meditate.. What ever it is you do to escape, to cope.

Find a release, for me personally it is writing, with the hope I can help others through documenting my own struggles, to have them read my words and feel less alone, to feel less scared - this is a safe way for me, so I can care, but do so in such a way that also helps me.

I want to suggest this to you now, after having said all of that, I encourage you to find a happy place which helps you release, find it within yourself, feel no judgement.

Stop caring about others and take some time to really care about yourself, ask yourself some questions because really....

When do you ever take yourself out for a drink?

When do you take yourself out for lunch?

When have YOU ever asked yourself, "so how are you?"

When have you put yourself first recently? Or do you ever?

I'm interested, please let me know, send me a message, I want to know if this has made you wonder when you have ever really took the time to be your own friend.

It's empowering to be alone in your own company and not care if anyone else thinks that's weird, it's okay to not be okay and it's important to care for yourself most on those days.

Become a little selfish.

Put yourself first.

Stop caring so much.