Life Down South

Wednesday, 17th of January, 2018.

When I lived Down South I met some incredibly inspiring people, some of which helped me to grow as a woman, individual and allowed me to deeply figure out who I was.

During the first year of living there, I started a completely new school, in a completely unfamiliar enviroment. Just imagine being 15 years old from a private school entering a large public school with this whole new vibe about it.. Lots of guys who surfed or did skating, girls who new each other and belonged to a group of friends, and there I sat, a complete stranger in what felt like a completely strange place.

I started off with a group of friends I got talking with over the first week, but not long after figured that our motives were different and their idea of a good time didn't meet mine, so I ventured away and found two beautiful girls who took me in and we quickly ended up the three best friends!

We would catch the bus to town every hot day in the Summer and swim at the beach, they really pushed me to be proud of myself and to let go of my poor body image which I held for so many years, they taught me how important it is to check in on each other and taught me how to recognise when my friends are struggling and 'Wee' taught me to be happy makeup free, which for me truly was a hard thing.

Eventually three became two as our other friend found common interest's with others and like I had in the beginning, ventured away with no hard feelings.

Wee and I remained friends, we were tied at the hip and everyone complimented our friendship, some saying they wished they'd had a friendship like ours, how lucky I was to have a best friend so special!

Lets fast foward to the end of year eleven when things got really hard for me mentally. I'd always struggled with anxiety, but this time was different.

Anxiety, OCD and depression got the best of me and became a debilitating, viscious, daily cycle. A full day at school was a miricale for me, I don't think I managed to get through a full day in the last six to eight months of me going to school.

I can't apologise to my mum enough for always going out of her way to come and get me, for answering the phone everytime I called and for getting to the school within five minutes of my call for help.

I remember I would go home and sleep and wakeup and feel like such a disappointment to myself and mostly my dad.

I remember feeling like not one person understood because I was hoping no one else ever did have to feel and expirience mental illness like I did, I cannot thank my psychologist enough for saving my life like she did because if it wasn't for her, I'd probably still be in that cycle.

During my battle with mental illness and having to keep up with school, Wee found a group of friends as I was never there and I didn't want her being alone when I wasn't around, I am still so thankful she had an understandning of how hard it was for me.

I dropped out of school and I remember that being the first big adult decision that would impact the rest of my life.

I left for a reason and that is clear now, because I landed a job in a cafe with people who truly helped me grow in a time I so despreatly needed it.

Through the cafe and with regular therapist appointments I learnt to control my anxiety, surrounding myself with people who were so high spiritually meant my feelings were never able to be hidden because they would end up felt by others and that forced me to voice when I was having a bad day.

Somewhere between all of this I had learning experiences with some guys who each left me with memories, some good and some bad, but importantly enough I was left with knowledge on what was then right to look for in a future partner.

Before meeting Steven, little did I know I hadn't the faintest idea what it was like to be loved completely, so I decided to keep him and here we are over two years together, in a new town to what we met, growing, loving and living.

I am so thankful that I have opened up to my true self, these last three years have been HUGE for personal growth, lets start a whole new jounrey of even more.

Here are some of my highlights over the last three years:

• I met some truly amazing spiritually minded people

• I got to make coffee for a big New Zealand Band called Katchafire

• I learnt mindfullness and the power of it

• I learnt meditation

• I learnt how to be more aware

• I overcame mental illness, a semicolon (;) was even tattooed on me

• I created beautiful friendships

• I learnt how to love and be loved

• I learnt self confidence

• I let go of hate towards myself